Me Scurvy
Crew: Plunder my treasures: |
Needing the Answer I feel as if there is a hole in my heart that is the size of god knows what. Justin and I have been having these talks- I call them 'state of the union' talks, because they consist of my talking about what I am needing from the relationship that I am not getting (romance, love, etc.). The thing that is tearing a hole in my pericardium is this- last night, I asked Justin why he wasn't ever romantic with me, or spontaneously physically affectionate, etc. and he said that he didn't know. He said that he has never been that kind of person and that he doesn't think he ever will be. This being said from a person who has been married to their spouse for over 20 years- that would be more acceptable in my eyes. I have not yet been married a year. He also seems to think that it is just the stresses (transient stresses, in his eyes) of life- jobs, having pets, money troubles, etc. I keep saying that these things don't go away as time goes on, they get more and more demanding- that is why relationships fade. That is why spouses usually have fond memories of the early years to look back on. I will not have any of those memories if I choose to stay here. I know that I need more than what I am getting, and I keep asking for it as politely as I can, and I keep getting shot down. I don't like to see the hurt look in his eyes- I know that he feels inadequate, and I don't like to make him feel that way because I love him. I don't think I am in love with him anymore, though. He hates it that I say that I am only going to ask for what I need for so long, and then eventually I am going to have to go and find it elsewhere. I asked him last night if he thought that we just got married becuase it was easier than breaking up- the path of least resistance, which I feel he trods every day in his own life. He said no. Then I asked him why it was that, if he was with the best possible person for him, that he couldn't hold that person, kiss that person, want to make that person happy. He didn't really have an answer. I think I do have the answer. said the Dread Pirate Ro at 7:46 AM on August 12, 2004 Aarrgh! 4 scurvy dogs said "Ahoy, matey!"
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Starboard Shiver Me
Timbers
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