Comments:

creda - 2005-01-31 15:54:30
Great idea -- good for you!!
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Ahnalyse - 2005-01-31 16:38:04
Im very proud of you!
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Rox - 2005-02-02 18:11:48
The timing of this reflection during Imbolc couldn't be better, I think. Elen Hawke put to words her Will for this festival: "Lady Brighid, this is your festival of fire and water. May I be washed clean of all I wish to leave behind me as the earth is washed clean by the rains ready to germinate new growth under the waxing fire of the sun. I let go of all that has outlived its purpose in my life, that the fresh and new might flourish." Isn't Brighid a prominent part of your pantheon? It's taken me a few days to chew my own thoughts on this post, and this is what I think: I'm glad you've got your non-negotiables figured out. I'm pretty sure you considered them just as important benchmarks for your relationship before you labelled them 'non negotiable'. And I think there is a danger in the label itself. I think its just as important as coming up with the list as determining how to react when the list is violated. 'Negotiating' doesn't mean you have to do the chore that was assigned to J, yknow? Either way, I'm glad you had a productive weekend, and wish you the best this Season.
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Rox - 2005-02-02 18:12:16
The timing of this reflection during Imbolc couldn't be better, I think. Elen Hawke put to words her Will for this festival: "Lady Brighid, this is your festival of fire and water. May I be washed clean of all I wish to leave behind me as the earth is washed clean by the rains ready to germinate new growth under the waxing fire of the sun. I let go of all that has outlived its purpose in my life, that the fresh and new might flourish." Isn't Brighid a prominent part of your pantheon?
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Ro - 2005-02-02 20:20:46
The point of calling them non-negotiables is that once I decide what I absolutely will not live with, then the rest is able to be worked with. In pointing out the areas that I am not willing to bend on, I am able to perceive the rest of life as negotiable, and I can bend with it.
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Ro - 2005-02-04 08:52:37
And, in my life, with J, who is very lazy, if J doesn't do what he has made a contract to do, and I don't do it, whatever it is will mold in the place that it lays. In my life, having someone who pulls their weight is non-negotiable because I need for things to be clean and orderly, and if I don't have help with keeping things clean and orderly, I will clean them myself because I can't live with filth. That doesn't mean that others have to have this on their list of nonnegotiables, or even think this is a 'worthy' non-negotiable. That is not the point- I get to determine what I will or will not live with. There is no acceptable, all-spousal standard of limits I should have. I get to make my own.
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