Comments:

creda - 2005-01-21 09:17:59
I also really like what that woman said about divorce. I see lots of relationships where both people just seem really really unhappy and if they aren't working on it, I wonder what keeps them together.
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mandie - 2005-01-21 11:16:52
You know my contact info! You know, I'm really torn about the divorce issue, because I see a society moving more and more toward self interest and what they are or aren't getting and further and further away from service, compassion and what they are or aren't giving. I also see a lot of people jump out of marriage (NOT NOT NOT saying this applies to you WHAT-SO-EVER!!!) because they don't want to do any work. Hey, the work is fucking hard! And, looking at my OWN SHIT is even harder...swear! And, why is it someone else's responsibility to give me what I need? And, why leave when they aren't? What can I do to give myself what I need? Do I love my husband? YES, I do. The rest is details and the devil is in the details. So, I'm joining doctor Phil, because the WORST thing that can come out of finding your center and giving 100% is that when and if you *do* leave, you'll leave centered...knowing that you really did do all you could. Ok, kick me... But really, Ro...you know that I support whatever anyone decides is the right choice for them. My opinion is just that...my opinion and I only share it to share it, not because I think it's right...or that you should listen to me...but because I share it. (((rowan)))
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Ro - 2005-01-21 12:33:57
Mandie, I totally respect what you said. And I agree with Dr. Phil about being centered- I am just tired of doing all of the work. I am the one trying to become better, trying to do more, be more, etc. I just don't feel that I am being met halfway. Sometimes, I don't even want to be met halfway, I just want to be listened to...and I don't even get that. But thank you for your opinion. I really appreciate you sharing what you truly think. :)
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mandie - 2005-01-22 13:46:37
Ro...what's wrong with who and where you are? Maybe a little appreciation for that would go a long, long way. You're awesome. IMHO saying you need to be better implies that you're not ok just as you are....and you are, we all are. I have learned that for me, when I "work" at growing I end up feeling frustrated, confused, dissatisfied, annoyed, and my self-esteem goes town the toilet. Not to mention that my relationships go down the tubes too, because I'm suddenly frustrated, confused, dissatisfied and annoyed with them too! I think, and maybe I'm wrong, that you don't want to end your marriage. I think that because you are still in it, because you are reading a book about how to save it, and because you are writing about it here and struggling with it internally. I think you love your husband..and that if you can reconnect with why you fell in love with him in the first place you will save your marriage without Dr. Phil's help! :0) I just want to be the voice that says that for you...I want you to have a voice that says that for you. When I want to leave Jeff, which I did yesterday! hehe, I hear very supportive things from my friends...like: I will support whatever you decide. and, You have to follow your heart and do what makes you happiest. and, One person can't do all the work...it has to be both...so if you are doing all the work it won't work. and, things like that. Things I imagine you are both hearing and thinking. Leaving myself in the grey that these statement produce for me gets me all screwed up. I don't know....what WILL make me happy??? What IS best for me???? What SHOULD (and that's the worst!) I do. And then I think of Cynthia and the Parcival/Percival whatever weekend at the Grove, July 2003 I think. Standing around that fire listening to her story...saying "It's all illusion, it's all story, so pick the story YOU WANT and live it 100%, live it as if it *were* reality and it will be reality." I wish two things. I wish that when I enter a new paragraph it showed up that way in the actual comment!!! And, I wish that I was more articulate. I'm thinking of ya!
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Ro - 2005-01-22 14:42:18
Mandie, what I meant about growing and becoming was that I am committed to move my life into a more spiritual place. I am ok with who I am right now- or rather, I am working on being ok with it.
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