Me Scurvy
Crew: Plunder my treasures: |
Why Can't I Just Feel Happy???? I am having another one of my Buddhist/Taoist moments. The world had been feeling devoid of meaning, especially around my life's work. I keep getting the message that I have a purpose, something that I need to be doing, but it seems that I keep trying to succeed in ways that I am destined to fail- keep adding credentials, titles, etc., seeking meaning and purpose in the traditional ways. For instance, I thought massage school would be the supreme answer- I would be doing something that was healing and in line with my beliefs. It wasn't that simple. I fall prey to the idea that I have to do something Important (ie astounding, fame-worthy) with my life to actually be important. Sounds nuts, but I think I received a bit of enlightened information the other day. While sitting and being unhappy about not being able to find this all-consuming passion for a type of work that will fulfill me, fill me, etc, I realized it isn't about the type of work, it is how I go about doing the work of living- the attitude. It really doesn't matter in the slightest that I am not doing what I consider to be profound work- all work is profound, all lives are profound. My attitude is what is making things unfulfilling. I know that this isn't exactly a new concept, but it hit me in a new way, and I feel...better... and challenged, to begin to make life fulfilling for myself in my actions, words and thoughts. So I am trying to see the beauty of being a librarian (which feels a lot like a drone in a hive) instead of being a frustrated massage therapist who is wondering if she wasted her money on massage school. I am going to begin taking yoga classes, and regularly meditating again. I need to try to feel a measure of importance- I am getting swallowed in my "life has no meaning" attitude, and it sucks. said the Dread Pirate Ro at 12:52 PM on December 17, 2004 Aarrgh! 2 scurvy dogs said "Ahoy, matey!"
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Starboard Shiver Me
Timbers
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